The gardens haven’t been truly worked in the way they need to be. The most creative thing I’ve concocted in the kitchen lately is the sanity saving coffee every morning (and I say creative because trying to make budget “Master Chef” coffee somewhat satisfying takes a big of finagling). I obviously have not been able to keep up here. And even as I type I have the Tiny Human strapped to me in the life saving BabyBjorn in order to get some “GAL Time” where I can use both hands. Life has been so incredibly different since his arrival almost 7 weeks ago, and we’re still struggling to find our new rhythm, but even the most frustrating days have been rewarding and precious. And frustrating. And tear inducing. And plain crazy. But wildly beautiful, just like the tiny hot mess of a human who I have a feeling is more of my reflection that I care to admit at this point.
He is wildly independent, which I can tell is a huge source of angst for him–when he’s hungry, he wants it now. When it’s time for bed, he fights it because, like his mother, he knows there are better things to do than sleep. Tummy time? He gets so frustrated at his limited mobility that I’ve witnessed him scootch across the play mat in a fit of rage and not realize it.
Amazingly, though, the biggest challenge for me as we’ve transitioned into parenthood is the feeling that I’ve lost a huge part of my independence to this highly independent but dependent little one. The weekend before he was born I had this crazy need to buy and clean with Scrubbing Bubbles, which in hindsight should have been an indication that things were going down quickly since I hadn’t bought cleansers in years, and as I drove to Target I started to think about how I would have to go about this with a kid. And that brief second thought was right–the Tiny Human complicates things, and there have been many a moment where I feel a bit stuck.
But, I do love a good challenge. And while he can be challenging, I know I can be too. And this experience is a precious gift, something I try to remind myself of every day. I realize that there are so many out there who would love to complain of not having enough sleep, or getting thrown up on, or listening to 2 straight hours of crying. He is a gift, and one that in the moments I’m feeling lost I try to focus on how lucky we are to have this opportunity.
So in these 5 and a half weeks before I have to go back to work we’re working hard to get our schedules in sync, and I am bound and determined to find gratitude every day, and not to lose myself in this process.